Pondering a recent visit to Jethro’s sister, I was fairly certain I had located that far away, deep down maternal instinct that might one day convince me to reproduce. Her kids are darling, incredibly well behaved, polite and happy. Because Jethro has started working full time, he is gone during the day and I am usually home with Rune. Rune has decided that because it is so fucking cold outside, he wants to use the bathroom ten times a day, including super convenient times such as in the middle of the night and when I am about to eat lunch.
Normally bathroom time for Rune includes opening the door, coaxing him through the doorframe (I’d hate small spaces too if I was a former race dog) and shutting the door. Because poor Runey Booney is in the process of passing heart worms, he needs to be taken out on a leash to hinder his instincts to jump around and thus causing one of the worms to get caught... causing a clot. So instead of six seconds of uncomfortable chills, I must get dressed in full out cold weather armor just so he can spend his time finding some nice blades of grass to piss on. Rune, just so you know, I am on your side! I would be mad too if daddy moved me to the Midwest from sunny North Carolina.
Rune has also decided that yelping and crying are perfect ways to get my attention. Because the combination is so annoying, I will take him outside just to get him to shut up. This is especially effective when I am trying to sleep in. Rune knows this would not fly with Jethro who would definitely tell him to LAY DOWN, to which he would loyally comply. But Rune knows I am a push over and always plays his cards right
To get me back, after ONLY taking him out THREE times in a five hour span, he takes a huge shit in the middle of the living room to show his disappointment and neglect. This week I’ve even let Rune break his post-heartworm shot rules, allowing him out of confinement and into the rest of the house as long as he doesn’t try and touch his nose to the ceiling and doesn’t tell dad! Rune, dad is GOING TO KNOW I let you out if you poop on the first floor!
Do you see where I am going here?
Those maternal thoughts got flushed down the toilet real fast.
So what you're telling me is that Russell and Rune are long lost siblings?? ;-)
ReplyDeleteyou are hilarious, in case you weren't aware.
and i love that you said fucking.
i want to say fucking on my blog!
maybe one day I'll be brave enough....;)
Just for the record, kids get up like that, too...but the GREAT thing is you don't have to go outside! And then...they grow up a little and take care of it all by themselves.
ReplyDeleteI think you would be a wonderful mom is basically what I'm saying.